...it's alive.

...it's alive.

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First off ~ to those who were worried that I'd been run over by a Mac Truck and left for the buzzards on the side of a road (or carried off by flying monkeys and forced to clean toilets in OZ) ~ I'm sorry.

*Bows low and with great humility at causing concern to friends*

As some of you might have gathered, or have found out from the uber detective Tameiki, I have in fact been carried off by Second Life. Physically I'm fit as a fiddle. Mentally...well...maybe not so much, but I'm at the very least...happy.

I have a tendancy every few years, to go underground emotionally ~ and whatever the trigger was this time, I found inner calm by total immersion in that alternative universe, SL.

All free time is spent doing domestic duties efficiently and with a sense of calm that other hobbies and avenues online were not affording myself. All in the name of being able to justify the time spent gardening/terra-forming on rented land, exploring, shopping, building and otherwise wallowing in a place beyond the anxious world we collectively live in.

Why SL?

Because it allows me to play with a doll that I can dress up and shop for without breaking the bank? Because the doll is interactive with other dolls? Probably that is the basis of my falling head over tea kettle into that place....

I also needed a break from resin dolls. Actually...I needed to stop myself cold from an obession that was starting to take over my house...and confining it to a server somewhere in California is not such a bad thing. Besides... it's MUCH cheaper.

I also needed a break from myself ~ doll forums were triggering fits of negative emotions in me that I found distasteful. I needed a distance from drama or potential drama....or the drama swilling about in my brain and no-one-elses. Dolls, if you can believe it, were making me an angry person. SL allows me to quash those feelings, but still lets me interact....or not. I'm not exactly a social butterfly in SL.

One of the first things I did when I arrived inworld was find islands of serenity ~ Shinto and Buddhist temples where I would sit my avatar down and lose myself in the calm sound of chimes and water lapping up against the shore and the gentle cacaphony of birds chirping. Sometimes the area would have soothing music to listen to as well.

I'd light inscense beside my PC. And for the first time in a long time I could let go of some of the crushing anxiety that has been growing within me.

Don't misunderstand....all is good in the Pira-hood ....except I feel as though I'm tapping into everyone elses' fears and worries, and I needed a break from the nightly shakes that would start like clockwork at a given time and if I didn't find a way to neutralize them, would have me wandering blindly around the house in the middle of the night until they passed. Same bat time. Same bat channel. 7 days a week.

I also found it extrodinarily difficult to find words to share here. I'd already dragged you through my BJD madness...I couldn't see myself doing it with a MMORPG. But it was more than that ~ I was by this point questioning anything that I wanted to journal about. I just couldn't find the desire to navel gazing about anything ~ movies, books, the U2 concert I was dragged to kicking and screaming...again. I'd stare at my journal....not even signed in and my brain would draw a huge blank as I wondered what it was I was about to say. Eventually I didn't even look at it.

I was wrong to not just say: "YO..folks. Got myself buried in an immersive technology and won't be up for air any time soon. But don't worry, it's all good."

Again. I'm sorry.

Thank-you for caring.

I don't deserve your kind thoughts, but I am grateful for them. You have big hearts and generous souls *^__^*

  • Very eloquently said, Pira. But totally unneeded. You're loved, that's why we care. That's why we're still here. Doesn't matter that you disappear from time to time, just don't forget to come back to let us know you're okay :)

    *hugs tight*
  • *Notes how beautifully the icon matches your AV*

    I don't need to say much, obviously. As always though, your thoughts pulled together regarding SL are far better and more coherent than any I could write. It sounds rather pathetic to say, 'if you hang out there, you'll know what I mean,' which is all I could probably manage!

    I've also sat in shrines and temples and lit incense, listened to music, and got more peace out of it than anything 'real' - I think that's partly because you really CAN shut out distractions.

    And Ohhhh yes, playing with dolls and dolls houses on a GRAND, unlimited scale is very, very appealing.
  • It's good to see you alive and kicking again. *hugs* I can understand the need to just go away for a while. The drama can sometimes get a little overwhelming and that last thing I'd want to see was you having a personal meltdown.

    Enjoy your electronic doll (and the waaaay cheaper way to dress/accessorize her *laughs*) and just drop a note every now and again to let us know the children haven't gone all Lord of The Flies (or something) on you.
  • *hugs*
    Of course we care! It's good to see you again^_^ Enjoy your new e-doll and please drop us a note every now and then.

    Interesting background in that pic of your avatar and so very you XD

    PS: expect something in the mail soon!
  • I'd been wondering where you were, but figured you had wandered off to play SL judging from your previous entries. I'm glad you're feeling better and taking good care of yourself. Be well! I'll look forward to reading whatever you update, whenever you wish to update.

    Big Hugs!
  • Happy to see you surface... wishing you lots of peace in RL... still think you rock... still love your Eye... hoping you continue to journal but not in any way demanding it, of course. You do what you must, hon.

    Tons of love.
  • Apis Waves!

    Hi Pira! You liive! :D
    I'd been worried you'd vanished, but I'm happy to hear you are around and have found a hobby that relaxes... isn't that the point of hobbies?

    You know how tangled up in BJD I am, and I can definitely relate to the stress associated with them. I think I told you when I met you here that I full on refuse to go on forums anymore, blah.

    I found a similar getaway - Dragon Age origins and these inane little farms on facebook. Mindless but happy for one, and the other allowing me to grow my chars. Finished my novel finally too, did I tell you?? Here's to a year of fun, and good headspaces. <3
  • I know I'm a little late to this "thank god you're alive" party... but Yay! I'm relieved you're ok, and everything is right with your world. I can totally relate to everything you are saying, just the circumstances are different. Journaling has never been my strong point -- I always admired that you could journal practically every day and make it interesting and funny. As far as joining forums for education or enlightenment, well, for the most part people suck so it usually ends up being more of the same bullshit, different bag.

    I'm glad you've found a less expensive outlet for your creativity... yet your hobbies are always less expensive than haute couture!

    As for your nightly attacks, sounds like panic attacks from stress! You poor thing. You definitely needed to detach from all the extraneous crap. I don't blame you for going to ground. I've done it myself. The internet is a great place to learn and meet people but it can also be a fucking vampire, and as Big George, a boss I had in the early 80's, used to say, "It's a big ass but I got only one" because there's the Real Life factor that is more important than all of the rest.

    Hugs and kisses for you my dearest. XOXOXOXOX
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  • Interesting. I never thought you'd be one for SL, but...there you go. I've just about let my IJ lapse into nothing, so I've no room to talk.

    Despite the fact we really don't interact any more, I'm glad you are well and happy.
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    your story is touching but you say you like to hide somewhere to get away from the people. I suggest you practice meditation. You will find peace inside. That's what I do.
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