pira

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...it's alive.

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Forestfeast_fantasygarden_nov8_2009__1

First off ~ to those who were worried that I'd been run over by a Mac Truck and left for the buzzards on the side of a road (or carried off by flying monkeys and forced to clean toilets in OZ) ~ I'm sorry.

*Bows low and with great humility at causing concern to friends*

As some of you might have gathered, or have found out from the uber detective Tameiki, I have in fact been carried off by Second Life. Physically I'm fit as a fiddle. Mentally...well...maybe not so much, but I'm at the very least...happy.

I have a tendancy every few years, to go underground emotionally ~ and whatever the trigger was this time, I found inner calm by total immersion in that alternative universe, SL.

All free time is spent doing domestic duties efficiently and with a sense of calm that other hobbies and avenues online were not affording myself. All in the name of being able to justify the time spent gardening/terra-forming on rented land, exploring, shopping, building and otherwise wallowing in a place beyond the anxious world we collectively live in.

Why SL?

Because it allows me to play with a doll that I can dress up and shop for without breaking the bank? Because the doll is interactive with other dolls? Probably that is the basis of my falling head over tea kettle into that place....

I also needed a break from resin dolls. Actually...I needed to stop myself cold from an obession that was starting to take over my house...and confining it to a server somewhere in California is not such a bad thing. Besides... it's MUCH cheaper.

I also needed a break from myself ~ doll forums were triggering fits of negative emotions in me that I found distasteful. I needed a distance from drama or potential drama....or the drama swilling about in my brain and no-one-elses. Dolls, if you can believe it, were making me an angry person. SL allows me to quash those feelings, but still lets me interact....or not. I'm not exactly a social butterfly in SL.

One of the first things I did when I arrived inworld was find islands of serenity ~ Shinto and Buddhist temples where I would sit my avatar down and lose myself in the calm sound of chimes and water lapping up against the shore and the gentle cacaphony of birds chirping. Sometimes the area would have soothing music to listen to as well.

I'd light inscense beside my PC. And for the first time in a long time I could let go of some of the crushing anxiety that has been growing within me.

Don't misunderstand....all is good in the Pira-hood ....except I feel as though I'm tapping into everyone elses' fears and worries, and I needed a break from the nightly shakes that would start like clockwork at a given time and if I didn't find a way to neutralize them, would have me wandering blindly around the house in the middle of the night until they passed. Same bat time. Same bat channel. 7 days a week.

I also found it extrodinarily difficult to find words to share here. I'd already dragged you through my BJD madness...I couldn't see myself doing it with a MMORPG. But it was more than that ~ I was by this point questioning anything that I wanted to journal about. I just couldn't find the desire to navel gazing about anything ~ movies, books, the U2 concert I was dragged to kicking and screaming...again. I'd stare at my journal....not even signed in and my brain would draw a huge blank as I wondered what it was I was about to say. Eventually I didn't even look at it.

I was wrong to not just say: "YO..folks. Got myself buried in an immersive technology and won't be up for air any time soon. But don't worry, it's all good."

Again. I'm sorry.

Thank-you for caring.

I don't deserve your kind thoughts, but I am grateful for them. You have big hearts and generous souls *^__^*

*hugs*
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