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Passed along to me from my father :3
WHEELS BLOOPERS
That's why they make cars not books
Read all about it: the auto industry's weird, wacky words of wisdom
Another year, another 365 days of press releases, owner's manuals, news reports, and all the paperwork involved in keeping up with the auto industry. While most of it is sensible, every now and again I find a PR departments hiccup, a badly translated instruction, or a gem that just defies all explanation. If nothing else, they're worth sharing:
YOU DON'T SAY: Toyota Prius's manual advises, "Large amounts of exhaust in the vehicle can cause driver drowsiness and an accident, resulting in death a serious health hazard."
YA THINK? J.D. Power and Associates surveyed 52,000 people and concluded that the more problems a car has, the more likely the owner is to be unhappy with it.
LOST IN TRANSLATION: Chinese auto maker Geely, in a brochure handed out at the Detroit Auto Show, describes its anti-lock brakes: ''Under the supervision of ABS system, when the detective system of the wheel is going to send locking information, the running of the wheel discontinuously enables the driver to control the car continuously. The special design preventing to locking of the wheel and slippering during emergent braking help the driver to maintain stability in emergency."
WAX ON, WAX OFF: Suzuki SX4's manual warns, "Never attempt to wash and wax your vehicle with the engine running."
THANK YOU, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Nissan Rogue warns, "Do not fold down the rear seats when occupants are in the rear seat area or any luggage is on the rear seats."
THINK OF THE CHILDREN: Cadillac cautions, "Children can be seriously injured or strangled if a shoulder belt is wrapped around their neck and the safety belt continues to tighten."
IF A CAR STARTS IN A FOREST, AND NO ONE IS AROUND ... Although the Dodge Dakota is available with a remote starter, its manual warns, "Do not leave your vehicle unattended with the engine running, as you would not be able to react to the temperature indicator if the engine overheats."
SETTING PRIORITIES: In February, a woman in St. Augustine, Fla, was arrested and charged with numerous offences, including drunk driving. Police found her 16-month-old daughter unrestrained in the back seat; riding up front, safely buckled in, was a case of beer.
WHAT ABOUT COMMON SENSE? Mini warns, "Do not work on the car unless you possess the necessary technical knowledge."
IF YOU WANT TO GET ANYWHERE, THAT IS: Ford Taurus advises, "If one or more tires are flat, repair as necessary."
OR ELSE? Nissan Pathfinder recommends that "if you have a flat tire, cars, not books features not included in this Supplementary Owner's Manual can be found in the Owner's Manual for Vehicle."
THE REAL REASON SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU: Dodge Sprinter advises that you "switch off the engine and apply the handbrake before removing the ashtray to empty it. Otherwise, you could accidentally put the vehicle in gear."
DID ANYONE TELL THE BLUES BROTHERS? The Saturn Aura warns: ''Night driving tips include: Do not wear sunglasses."
WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING SPELL-CHECK: Cadillac issued a recall notice for a sunroof that could be operated for a few seconds after the ignition was turned off, but only if you'd started the car, then immediately turned it off and opened the door. The recall advised that "no remedial action is required due to the unlikely-ness of such an occurrence."
BREAKING THROUGH THE GLASS CEILING: The Mercedes-Benz ML550 warns that "The tilt/sliding sunroof is made out of glass. In the event of an accident, the glass may shatter. This may result in an opening in the roof."
'SMART' IS A RELATIVE MEASURE: Smart suggests that you "exercise, extreme caution if you see flames and smoke coming from the engine compartment."
BECAUSE THE FRONT SEAT IS MUCH SAFER: The Subaru Impreza warns, "Do not leave your valuables in the trunk when you leave your vehicle."
THE 24-LETTER ALPHABET: The index in the BMW 1 Series' manual is called "Everything From A To Z" but the last entry is for X.
UNLESS YOU CUT OUT EYEHOLES FIRST: Kia Magentis warns, "Never wear the shoulder portion of the safety belt across the neck or face."
HOW TO TELL YOUR CAR'S TOO COMPLICATED: The Porsche Boxster's instructions advises owners: "It is not possible to describe all details of the on-board computer functions in this owner's manual."
WHEELS BLOOPERS
That's why they make cars not books
Read all about it: the auto industry's weird, wacky words of wisdom
Another year, another 365 days of press releases, owner's manuals, news reports, and all the paperwork involved in keeping up with the auto industry. While most of it is sensible, every now and again I find a PR departments hiccup, a badly translated instruction, or a gem that just defies all explanation. If nothing else, they're worth sharing:
YOU DON'T SAY: Toyota Prius's manual advises, "Large amounts of exhaust in the vehicle can cause driver drowsiness and an accident, resulting in death a serious health hazard."
YA THINK? J.D. Power and Associates surveyed 52,000 people and concluded that the more problems a car has, the more likely the owner is to be unhappy with it.
LOST IN TRANSLATION: Chinese auto maker Geely, in a brochure handed out at the Detroit Auto Show, describes its anti-lock brakes: ''Under the supervision of ABS system, when the detective system of the wheel is going to send locking information, the running of the wheel discontinuously enables the driver to control the car continuously. The special design preventing to locking of the wheel and slippering during emergent braking help the driver to maintain stability in emergency."
WAX ON, WAX OFF: Suzuki SX4's manual warns, "Never attempt to wash and wax your vehicle with the engine running."
THANK YOU, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: Nissan Rogue warns, "Do not fold down the rear seats when occupants are in the rear seat area or any luggage is on the rear seats."
THINK OF THE CHILDREN: Cadillac cautions, "Children can be seriously injured or strangled if a shoulder belt is wrapped around their neck and the safety belt continues to tighten."
IF A CAR STARTS IN A FOREST, AND NO ONE IS AROUND ... Although the Dodge Dakota is available with a remote starter, its manual warns, "Do not leave your vehicle unattended with the engine running, as you would not be able to react to the temperature indicator if the engine overheats."
SETTING PRIORITIES: In February, a woman in St. Augustine, Fla, was arrested and charged with numerous offences, including drunk driving. Police found her 16-month-old daughter unrestrained in the back seat; riding up front, safely buckled in, was a case of beer.
WHAT ABOUT COMMON SENSE? Mini warns, "Do not work on the car unless you possess the necessary technical knowledge."
IF YOU WANT TO GET ANYWHERE, THAT IS: Ford Taurus advises, "If one or more tires are flat, repair as necessary."
OR ELSE? Nissan Pathfinder recommends that "if you have a flat tire, cars, not books features not included in this Supplementary Owner's Manual can be found in the Owner's Manual for Vehicle."
THE REAL REASON SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU: Dodge Sprinter advises that you "switch off the engine and apply the handbrake before removing the ashtray to empty it. Otherwise, you could accidentally put the vehicle in gear."
DID ANYONE TELL THE BLUES BROTHERS? The Saturn Aura warns: ''Night driving tips include: Do not wear sunglasses."
WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING SPELL-CHECK: Cadillac issued a recall notice for a sunroof that could be operated for a few seconds after the ignition was turned off, but only if you'd started the car, then immediately turned it off and opened the door. The recall advised that "no remedial action is required due to the unlikely-ness of such an occurrence."
BREAKING THROUGH THE GLASS CEILING: The Mercedes-Benz ML550 warns that "The tilt/sliding sunroof is made out of glass. In the event of an accident, the glass may shatter. This may result in an opening in the roof."
'SMART' IS A RELATIVE MEASURE: Smart suggests that you "exercise, extreme caution if you see flames and smoke coming from the engine compartment."
BECAUSE THE FRONT SEAT IS MUCH SAFER: The Subaru Impreza warns, "Do not leave your valuables in the trunk when you leave your vehicle."
THE 24-LETTER ALPHABET: The index in the BMW 1 Series' manual is called "Everything From A To Z" but the last entry is for X.
UNLESS YOU CUT OUT EYEHOLES FIRST: Kia Magentis warns, "Never wear the shoulder portion of the safety belt across the neck or face."
HOW TO TELL YOUR CAR'S TOO COMPLICATED: The Porsche Boxster's instructions advises owners: "It is not possible to describe all details of the on-board computer functions in this owner's manual."
amused